Holding on (for now)

Still think about suicide daily, but currently not truly considering it.

I should move out of this country. To a country where I feel safe, get a remote job, and live life.

Think I feel slightly better because I did things that I dreaded to do for ages. 3 of those things were:

1. starting on a making a youtube video
2. writing a letter to my dad
3. stream a bit

My brother has vacation now, and went abroad. I miss him a ton.

Think what got me to tip back over the edge this time was wifey, idk why, but during the stream she was struggling so bad, and for the first time, I feel like she enjoyed coding. Absolutely loved being able to read that off her face. It is like watching someone succeed in something for the first time, it is always so cute and wholesome.

Lately just feeling sad, not really suicidal (somewhat) anymore.

Still feeling as if life sucks, and its not necessarily worth living, but my time on this planet got extended for a bit.