Permanent sadness

Been a while since I wrote in here (or at least 2 weeks). Its not like anything has changed. Neither do I feel fundamentally happier. But a few days ago a sort of calmness returned. Currently I don’t feel as suicidal, and just sad.

I am unsure of what event caused this trigger, nor who caused it. I just know it suddenly happened.

Life is still weird, i.e. nothing really makes sense.

I should work on the things I want to accomplish, every day I don’t => I feel more and more unhappy. Yet most days I don’t feel the urge/want to work on them and forcing myself will bring more stress/unhappiness.

I need a break from normal life, I feel the need for some escapism. I need to be free from nearly all worries, even if it was only for a while.

I am sorry if the things I write down don’t make much sense, I am trying to feel my emotions on what to write next but as all emotions are, they are complex and somehow inexplicable => how the randomness gets brought to life.