Why do I even bother?

What is there to live for? Everyone is screwed from the start. The politicians are against the people, the people are against their peers.

Even in daily life, everyone is so cold. Like no one cares about what’d happen. If I’d jump off a building or in front of a train, people would stare and go back to work. We are all a bunch of pussies, sheep, emotionless beings. There is nothing of beauty to find in most humans, just cold stares as soon as you get near to them.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been feeling empty. Like my emotions come and go, but there is only 1 that truly sticks. A permanent feeling of sadness, for whatever reason, and something that’s inexplicable. How can I get rid of this?

I feel as I’m in service of others, instead of myself. How can I help others, if I can’t help myself with this “demon”.

This feeling of emptiness makes me hate myself. I can’t do anything good.

Recently I listened to Revenge - XXXTENTACTION for the first time in a while, I feel somewhat understood, not by the music, but the cover art stating:

I do the same fucking shit everyday. Everyday feels like Sunday I cannot escape. My mind is sick, my mind is fucking sick. I am not satisfied with anything. I do not care about progressing in life. Throughout my life I cared about other people who did not care about me. No one truly cares anyway. Life is just a waste of time. Even though my family says they care. Deep down, they do not. Friends will come and go. You know my fucking life is a joke and I’m truly lost in life. My friend saved my life. My friend saved my fucking life. Its getting less stressful and crazy now but still I’m lost. I see the fake humans and their fake smiles with their fake love. I’ll fucking kill all of them. I am not crazy. I truly am not. The only reason I am alive is because of the people who were there for me when I was crying desperately for help. Help. Help. My real family is dead to me. But I will always love them. They didn’t want to accept the fact that I was fucked up. You’re not depressed you’re not sad you’re wasting your time, they didn’t get it until it was over. I saw everything before it happened. No one cared until they saw me progressing . Losing friends was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Now people come in my life, I am very grateful for them and everyone around me. I constantly get let down . I always get let down. Maybe because I expect so much from people who truly don’t give a fuck about me. I get attached to people I shouldn’t have. I expect too much. Might as well say fuck ‘em. And fuck it. I’ll die alone. HAHAHA. I’m such a fucking pussy. Depressed hopeless. Well at least I know who I am.

By xxxtentaction

How is it possible that I have more in common with a dead man, that lived on the other side of the planet, than most of those I am surrounded by? Why do his words touch my heart, make me tear up? He and his words, were also the inspiration for this repo?!.

Even though, I have no idea what this man has gone through. I respect him a ton. I wish this feeling of complete and utter uselessness on no one, not even my worst enemy. Yet it is something I have to bear everyday. Sometimes, if people only felt a sliver of how bad I constantly feel, maybe then they’d understand, maybe then we could have a real conversation, not hiding behind facades.

Social-media and everything surrounding it is a disease to society. The only somewhat true social media is live-streaming, people can’t hide who they really are there, or at least less, people are more pure, the way everyone should be.

Pure people are hard to come by, and those that I treasure the most, respect without knowing them. Often you can just feel when someone is pure and see easily those who hide behind facades, trying to fit in, trying to be accepted, instead of just being themselves.